Am I the only one near a computer on the weekends?

I've been noticing this for a long time. Few people post anything on blogs or chat loops from Friday afternoon through Sunday evening. Does everybody but me have an exciting weekend life? What am I missing? Does the Weekend Fairy flit around to all domiciles but mine and wave her Let's Have Fun wand and give everybody wonderful things to do?

I'll admit, I've been thinking along strange lines lately. Since George Carlin's lamentable death, I've been watching "tributes" and realizing how easily it's always been for me to tap into his thought processes. So for a while, when it comes to language and human behavior and the state of the world, I'll probably be in a Carlin mode. This is something I do need to get over, though. That sonofabitch was a real misanthrope!

When a kid is too interested in erotic romance

Ever face this problem? I blogged about it at MySpace http://www.myspace.com/kzsnow . A friend's son has been itching to read one of my naughty books. Finally, I came up with a couple of deterrents.

GLBT follow-up thoughts

Some damned well-thought-out comments to that previous post, and from some writers I truly admire.

As I wrap up my third exclusively m-m story (and, boy, let me tell you . . . it grinds my gears something fierce when authors cop out and throw a woman in at the end), I can't help but be aware of other characteristics of this niche genre. Based on what I've read thus far -- and I plan on reading much more -- there are distinct "tonal" differences between m-f and m-m romances.

When a hetero couple is on center stage, exploration and exposition of characters' emotions and blatant evocation of emotion in the reader seem more the rule than the exception. Character development is often internal and wedded to profound feeling. Authorial voice and prose style reflect this submersion. The drama of the heart rules.

However, when a gay male couple is the primary pairing, the author is more likely to distance her/himself from its emotional component, which is often, as a result, underplayed. In fact, strong emotion comes across as something shameful, an affliction to be avoided at all costs. Authorial voice is flip, wry, or even businesslike. World-building and plot/action take precedence over the soul-searching intricacies of bonding. Sex becomes either an eagerly anticipated theme-park destination (the impression I have of Manna Francis's stories) or an inconvenient detour (the impression I have of Ginn Hale's). I'm wild about both, by the way.

Maybe I'm exaggerating these distinctions between m-f and m-m fiction, but I have noticed them. And, depending on how skilled the author is, I honestly have no preference for one approach or sensibility over the other. I'm just wondering what other readers and writers think. I'm particularly curious if women who write m-m fiction find themselves "masculinizing" their styles when they fashion a romance between two men.

GLBT ~ Where are the men writing about women?

I'm in the process of collecting the names of M-M authors whose work impresses me. The list is growing by leaps and bounds. So far, I'm intrigued by, or flat-out admire, the output of Blind Eye Books authors (especially Ginn Hale), Joey Hill, Jordan Castillo-Price, Manna Francis . . . and others whose names I can't remember at the moment and am too freakin' lazy to look up.

But, as my list grows, a question nags: Why is the majority of manlove-themed commercial fiction (romance/erotic romance/urban fantasy/yaoi/slash fanfic/blah-blah-blah) written by straight women? Three answers immediately come to mind. 1.) That's where the money is; 2.) many of us have put in time as "fag hags"; 3.) we're straight women, for shit's sake, so this stuff turns us on!

Okay, going with the last reason . . . Then why isn't there hot lesbian fiction, and incredibly well-written lesbian fiction, penned by straight men? Or is there, and I'm just broadcasting my ignorance? (Wouldn't be the first time!) Seems all lesbian fic I've come across is written by . . . well . . . lesbians. Yet we all know -- at least, those of us who've regularly dealt with straight men know -- that women doing women is a turn-on for them. May not be for us, but it is for hetero guys. So where's the prose to prove it?

Truly, this discrepancy mystifies me. There's so much captivating and exquisitely written m-m fiction being produced by females, one would think an equal amount of captivatng and exquisitely written f-f fiction would be produced by males. But . . . no go. What's up with that?

Wait, I'm back. A logical answer just came to me. Women make up, by far, the greater portion of the book-buying public. Is that the key?

HOW NOT TO: Write Dialogue

Now that I've wiped the tears from my eyes, I thought it might be a good time to start a series of learning-through-negative-example writing lessons, courtesy of some fic posted at Litrotica. Oops, sorry, I meant Literotica (http://www.literotica.com/stories/index.php). I'm really a huge fan of this site -- well, some of this site -- as are, apparently, many other pervs . . . uh, readers. So, for any current or aspiring erotica writers, here are a few examples of how NOT to write dialogue in those sizzling stories your hormone-besotted brain is just itching to ooze out into the public domain.

Example 1 - "OHHHH GODDDDDDDDDDD, I'm cumminggggggggggggggg," I screamed loudly as my pussy exploded in wave after wave of crashing orgasms. "Oh, here I cummmmmmmmmmmmmm, God it feels soooooooo gooddddddddddd!"

Comment 1 - Bear in mind it's very difficult for a human being to replicate these "words" without sounding like something other than a human being. You may end up sounding like a foghorn, a woodpecker, a flat tire on a still-moving car . . . but not a person. Then again, if your pussy is exploding, I suppose you're going to make all kinds of weird noises.

Example 2 - "OHHH!! YESSSS!!! HARDER. . . . OH YESSSSSS. . . YESSSS!! OH SWEET LORD! THAT’S SO FUCKING GOOD! YES! YES! YES! OH MY GOD YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! SUCK IT! SUCK IT HARDER! I’M THERE! OH BABY SUCK ME!!! HARD.I’M THERE! AHHH!! AHHH. . . AHHH. . . AHHH. . . AHHH. . . AHHH. . . AHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
OH THAT"S IT!! YES. OH FUCK YES. OH GOD I'M GOING TO CUM BABY! OH SHIT. EAT ME!! OHHH. . FUCK. . YESSSSS. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
YES. YES! YES! YES! YES! S U C KKKK MEEEEEE. BABYYYYYYY. I’M GOING AGAIN
SUCK ME!! SUCK ME!! SUCK MEW HARDER!! YOU HAVE TO SUCK ME HARDER! HURT ME BABY!!. SUCK ME!! SUCK ME!! SUCK ME!! SUCK ME HARDER!!! OHHH GOD BABY!! HARDER! HARDER! HARDER DAM IT!! OHHH YES!!! LIKE THAT!! JUST LIKE THAT!! AHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHH. YESSSSSSSSSS. JESUS!! THAT’S IT!! OH GOD YES!! THAT"S IT!! YESSSSSSSSSS. YESSSSSSSS. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*** EAT ME!! EAT ME!! EAT ME!! EAT ME!! EAT ME!! EAT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ***
EAT ME. DAM YOU EAT ME!! OH FUCK YES! OH GOD! THAT’S IT JUST LIKE THAT!! MUMMM!! OH YES! OH YES! IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD BABY.
AHHHHHH MY GOD YES. YES. YES. YES. THAT’S IT. THAT’S IT. I’M CUMMING. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Comment 2 - I'll admit, I did pluck these effusions from different paragraphs and glom them all together, but considering the "story" didn't go beyond several pages, it was pretty well jam-packed with capital letters and exclamation points. (I especially like the line I set off with asterisks; it's what I hear from every piece of chocolate within a ten-mile radius when I'm trying to diet.) Now, what does this manic hollering remind you of? The finest intimate moments you've ever had or imagined? I didn't think so.

Example 3 -

"Hunh," she growled. "Hunh, hunh."
[Her partner, obviously of a different species, must not understand, so she tries a new set of phonemes.]
"Ahhhhhh," she squealed. "ah, ah, ah!"
[Nope. No go. So, instead of vocalizing via the folds in her throat, she tries vocalizing with other body parts.]
"Mmph," said her lips. "Mmph, mmph."
[Damn, still no luck. Maybe a combination . . .]
"Hunh, ahhhh, oh, yes, yes, oh GOD!"
[Success! Uh, but wait. Dig this. Just when she's finally cracked the language barrier . . . ]
"Are you and I done?" she asked.

Comment 3 - Sometimes it's better if characters keep their damned mouths shut -- well, unless they're doing something productive with them.

Authors Versus Bloggers/Reviewers

A big sigh opens this post. I'm not sure what to say, since I understand where both sides are coming from in these skirmishes. Blogger/Reviewer A rips on Author B. Does Author's book really, truly, irredeemably suck, or is that only Blogger/Reviewer's possibly ill-informed opinion? Has Author truly behaved in some reprehensible way, or is that merely Blogger's opinion? Should Author pay heed to that opinion? Should potential readers of Author pay heed to that opinion? Should Author's or Blogger's fangirls rush out of the woodwork with their verbal weaponry, eager to bash one or the other?


It's become abundantly clear to me that there are bloggers with large followings whose words are taken more or less as gospel. No matter what they post, many readers are just waiting on the sidelines to leap aboard their bandwagons. (Sorry for throwing all kinds of metaphors into the blender!) Often, if the blogger is an intelligent, fair-minded person and the writer's book and/or behavior is demonstrably BAD, the bandwagon is a legitimate place to be. Sometimes, though, the bandwagon seems to be carrying an ill-tempered bunch of braindead groupies out for blood.


I do love some of these sites. They bring to my attention books and issues I would otherwise not have been aware of. But the "Oh my God, you're so right, she/it is so odious" choir usually grates on my nerves. Authors (or publishers, in some cases) often have as valid points to make about the microcopes they're under as the people manning those microscopes. Sometimes the lenses are smeared or askew. (Another apology; damn, some days are just metaphor-rich!)


Human nature is mind-bogglingly complex. Rarely can one person's character or motives be summed up in a snappy phrase or two. I find it troublesome that so many bloggers and authors alike are more than willing to be reductionistic in their thinking and assume somebody is borderline psychotic or riddled with character deficiencies because he/she voices certain opinions or has a lapse in judgment. It isn't that I'd like to see us all form a circle and sing "Kumbaya"--hell, I'm too much a cynic and loner for that--but it would be nice to see people examining issues from more than one swallowed-whole perspective.