Thursday, September 12, 2013

Listopia needs more lists!

What do people love lists? I can only speak for myself. Lists serve as crutches for my memory. They prevent instances of "Oh, crap. I forgot to get those cheese-filled franks to supplement my fat and sodium intake! If only I'd made a shopping list!"

But what's with "best" lists? I don't understand them. Choosing a best anything has always been nigh impossible for me. Why? Because I haven't been exposed to every possible choice in any given category. "Greatest Books of the Twenty-first Century." How the fuck can I, or anybody else, choose? 1.)  The century is far from over. 2.) Even if the century were over, I wouldn't have lived through all of it. 3.) Even if the century were over and I did live through all of it, I guarantee I wouldn't have read every book published.

Maybe "best" lists are an extension of the CLAPMO (Crazily Love Always Pimping My Opinions) syndrome. That must be it. Because, like me, nobody who votes on these things has seen every cover or read every book in each of the categories -- which essentially makes every vote invalid.

Except the votes I get, 'cause I don't get many. ;-)

But, okay, we have to live with this system. So I think we can at least add some snappier Listopia lists to the 9,533 that already exist on Goodreads for gay fiction and m/m romance. Like:

  • Best Cover That Features an Enema Gone Wrong
  • Best Gay Stories That Could Conceivably, if Slightly Rewritten, Involve Humanoid Alpha Spiders w/ Silly Grins
  • Books Guaranteed to Make You Barf if You Read Them While Eating Greek Yogurt or Marmite
  • Best "I Don't Give a Shit About Editing; I Just Wanted to Get It Out There" Self-published Stories
  • Books That Should Be Made Into Movies -- But Only if I Can Make the Movies and Include All My Favorite Perversions 
  • Best My Little Pony Slash
  • Best Dennis Rodman/Kim Jong Un Slash
  • Best Andy Warhol Lookalike Heroes
  • Covers That Make You Put a Finger to Your Chin and Go "Hmm, Why Does He Have Hair in That Spot?"
  • Best Scratch 'n' Sniff Stories 

  • Books I Could Write Better, 'Cause the Authors Are Nitwits
  • Ugh. (Sorry, but I'm a Nitwit and Couldn't Come Up with a Better List Name.)
Got any other ideas?

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