Sunday, February 22, 2009

Post-Oscar Questions

Okay, I confess. I broke down and watched the Academy Awards tonight. First time in years. And you know what? I liked the show! I actually liked some of it a lot (like the juxtasposition of relevant clips from past movies with scenes from this year's Best Picture nominees -- very cool).

Anyway, I was left with some questions. Here they are:

  1. Why hasn't Hugh Jackman been hosting this event for the past ten years (humma-humma-humma) . . . and why can't I do him? (That's not really two questions; one is rhetorical.)
  2. Am I the only person who thinks the whole premise of Slumdog Millionaire is a monstrous copout . . . and wonders if any Dell employees served as extras in the movie?
  3. Why the hell was Heidi Klum in the audience?
  4. Who will remember any of the winners a year from now?
  5. How badly do people sweat and/or itch and/or gasp for breath in those clothes?
  6. Who paid for this shindig?
  7. Am I the only person creeped out by that Benjamin Button movie? And Brad Pitt?
  8. Why did documentaries with less than provocative subject matter (a tightrope walker and a girl with a cleft palate) win awards?
  9. Who picked the clothes for a.) the presenter chick who looked like a 1960s tube of pallid pink lipstick, b.) the doofus with the skewed tie whose suitcoat was ready to pop a button into the camera, c.) the presenter chick whose dress looked like a bad case of corn smut?
  10. Did that kiss they showed from Milk only seem like a squeamishly off-center smooch between two straight guys . . . or was it really?
  11. Do attendees lust after people who aren't their dates?
  12. Why can't I stomach Ben Stiller, and why won't he go away?
  13. How did a spud like Reese Witherspoon ever score with Jake Gyllenhaal . . . and why can't I do him?
  14. Who could dispute the fact that Sean Penn gave the best acceptance speech ever, which began with "You commie, homo-loving sons of guns" and swung into "I want you to know that I know how hard I make it for you to appreciate me"?
  15. Why did Heath Ledger have to die?


Jeanne said...

Q1. Hugh Jackman - sings, dances, acts, Australian, gorgeous...why can't we both do him? Yeah, next year, too!
Q2. I so agree re. Slumdog. Frankly, it made me sick that the film garnered $100 million and I wonder how much of that will go to improve the condition of the people in that *slum*
Q.3 I like Heidi
Q.4 I'll remember Milk
Q.5 and 6 Who cares?
Q.7 Join me in asking the same questions!
Q.8 "Waltzing with Bashir" was robbed. I was astonished to learn that FRANCE awarded it one of their Cesar awards
Q.9 Tube of lipstick *snort*
Giving up with the numbers
I love Ben Stiller's parents and cannot stand him!
Loved Sean Penn's speech
Heath Ledger - sad loss of a man bent on self-destruction.

Ooh, weird! my word verification for the comment is facquir..

K. Z. Snow said...

Hi, Jeanne!

Yeah, Heidi's cool, but ... why was she there?

I feel the same way re. Stiller and his brilliant parents.

Can't wait to see Milk, which I'll have to do via DVD. That movie will never show up in a theater around here. What's more, I'd never find someone to go see it with me. :-(