Friday, January 29, 2010

These things must stop!

My bloggedy-bloggedy (that's when you hop from one blog to another) has been sporadic of late, since I've been focusing on composition, edits, and submissions. Whenever I get this hitch in my blogalong, people's posting habits begin to jump out at me -- y'know, because I'm not exposed to them every day. Based on what I've noticed, I've decided to issue some decrees.

  • No more breaking up sentences with periods. Put 'em at the end where they belong. People tend to engage in this habit when they're trying to express their shock over something. Just thinking about giving you examples is already annoying me. Okay, here goes: Oh. My. God. Wow. Just. Wow. Quit. That. Before. I. Kill. You.

  • Snorting is okay, but no more snorting coffee through one's nose. Or throwing up in one's mouth, or spraying Coke on the keyboard/monitor. No more! We need some new expressions of amusement as well as disgust, like "You just made me fall backward in my chair and crack my skull open!" Or, "I just had to do the Heimlich maneuver on myself!"

  • No more thanking a reviewer for "taking one for the team" when she snarks on (what she perceives as) a truly dreadful book. Whose team? Where? What's the name of the team? I don't get it. Furthermore, nobody who uses that phrase is expressing sincere gratitude. The subtext is either Fuck, I wish I'd gotten attention by snarking on this book, or Damn, it's fun to pile on an author who's just gotten her ass whupped! Thanks for getting the game started!

  • No more reviews of Harlequin novels. Please. I mean it. We know what they're about. We knew twenty years ago. We no longer need to be reminded. The. End.
I could go on and on about this because I'm on a roll, but I'll take a step back now and let you take over.


wren boudreau said...

Hi KZ. Is that a cat or a dog? Either way it's cute.

Is "bloggedy-bloggedy" an official term? Kinda catchy.

I like how you're all queenly and everything, issuing decrees and whatnot. *curtsies* Thanks for allowing the snorting. Cause I like that. A. Lot. And I like to laugh so hard my eyeballs fall out. Which they would do if I read a Harlequin romance. And then took one. For. The. Team.

Teddy Pig said...

I just want to know about the good Harlequins.

I already know from experience the fail.

K. Z. Snow said...

Hi, Wren.

It's a puppy.

No. I coined it.

Thank you for the curtsy. Now you shall not lose your head.

I had to allow snorting, because we all snort. And I it would be perfectly acceptable if your body parts fell out or off when you laughed.

You done good, kid.

wren boudreau said...

*snort* Thanks! :)

K. Z. Snow said...

But, Teddy Pig, here's the rub: whose judgment can we trust when it comes to finding good Harlequins, which might be as rare as hens' teeth?

Val said...

Snorting is okay, but no more snorting coffee through one's nose. Or throwing up in one's mouth, or spraying Coke on the keyboard/monitor.

Ick. Yeah. I second this motion.

Tam said...

Thanks or the helpful hints oh wise one. I shall print out the edicts and attach them to my computer (and then promptly disregard them as is my wont). :-P

I thought there were only 6 Harlequin books and they just change the descriptions, names and careers of the protags.

LVLM said...

O.M.G, this post just made me snort coffee through my nose. And dammit, it's really expensive Kona.

Oh noes, I so do the period thing all. the. time. snort :P

What?! No taking it for the team?

You. can't. be. serious. :P

I reviewed one Harlequin. Now I can just put up a picture of any other Harlequin and say "ditto."

What I'd do away with, flouncing. Who cares, leave already.

You're very entertaining K.Z.

LVLM said...

Oh crap... see, I post and then the best word veri comes up.

Whornas- Spanglish word for whores. :D

Jeanne said...

Whornas- Spanglish word for whores
Snort! Nothing spewing.
Love the sound of "bloggedy-bloggedy" -- very musical. I shall now go around the house all day while the snow falls singing bloggedy-bloggedy.

K. Z. Snow said...

You're all smartasses except Val, who was obviously raised right.

"Whornas" is a great word; your definition is even better, Leah!

Jeanne, you need some kind of dance to go along with your new tune. Just don't get too Julie Andrews on us. ;-)

Jeanne said...

BTW and totally OT, Bend in the Road is on the shelves in Chicago and San Francisco libraries. Of course, I'm not alone, but what a thrill to think someone in those cities might actually take me out of the library!!

K. Z. Snow said...

That's great!