Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Men Talking Smack

JLA's 16-year-old son stays with us every other week. As I'm working at my computer, I can often hear their conversations in the living room. They give TSTL a whole new dimension of meaning.

Here's what I picked up on yesterday. (This is nearly verbatim, because I started typing it soon after I started chuckling at it.)

Dad: Did you do some ass-whuppin' today? You said you were gonna whup someone's ass at school.

Sonny: No. Next year.

Dad: What?

Sonny: Not until next year.

Dad: Why're you waiting until next year? What if the guy looks like Charles Atlas by then? He could pop your head like a zit.

Sonny: Nah, he's twink.

Dad: You're a twink yourself. Besides, if you get into some shit in school, I'm gonna whup your ass.

Sonny: Yeah, sure.

[By then, my curiosity was getting the better of me. So of course I had to amble into the living room and butt in.]

Me to Sonny: Why are you waiting so long to kick somebody's ass?

Sonny: Cuz he's going to Nekoosa this year but he should be back next year.

Dad, referring to Sonny and grinning: That way he can let his can of whup-ass sit on the shelf and ferment. It'll be even stronger when he opens it.

Oy vey.


Tam said...

*shakes head* I'm not sure whether to be dismayed by his lack of motivation (willing to wait a year) or proud that he's so non-aggression (willing to wait a year). LOL

Boys are weird.

Chris said...

*blink blink blink*

K. Z. Snow said...

My reaction to these father-son conversations is always amusement-laced confusion because of their sheer absurdity. I think it was the "pop your head like a zit" simile that caught my attention this time.

Tam said...

On a totally tangential subject (big word of the day), but not really since it usually falls under "boys r dumb", why do people insist on getting writing on their bodies in Old English script? No one can read that damn stuff. If you don't want me to read you ink then get it done in Hindi or Arabic or something. Better yet, just don't get it. What's wrong with Times New Roman? Comic Sans Serif? Helvetica? (Which I understand is in some quarters considered highly cool.)

Jenre said...

It's the way that JLA begins the conversation by seeming like he approves of his son doing some 'ass-whupping' but then changes tack half way through to disapproval of him getting into trouble at school for fighting, that's got me scratching my head.

Men, eh? Who knows what goes on in their heads.

K. Z. Snow said...

Dad is definitely conflicted on this subject. He's a former Army Ranger (part of the US military's Special Forces). I think it bothers him that Sonny is essentially a lanky wuss who spends most of his time in front of TV and computer screens. As much as Dad quails from trouble at school and accompanying medical and liability issues, he'd like his kid to be tough. Keeps urging him to go into the military, in fact.

Ain't gonna happen, though. (I knew that years ago.) So the most Dad can hope for are some signs of spunkiness. But on the rare occasions when they show up, they're hard to take seriously. Big talk aside, this kid is not a go-getter.

I think that's all too common among this country's youth today.

K. Z. Snow said...

Tam, I have no clue why people put this stuff on their bodies. Some kind of personal significance, I guess, combined with the notion that it looks intriguing. I've wondered the same thing about Chinese characters and Egyptian hieroglyphics. Viewers aren't getting much of a message, except You don't need to know what this means. You only need to know I was cool enough to get it. So there. ;-)

Tam said...

That reminds me of a comedian I heard once KZ. He was wondering if their were kids running around in China and Japan with English words tatooed on them. They think it says "peace" but really it says "bread" or something stupid. Most people who get Chinese symbols have no clue if it really means that. I could be saying "orange juice" and you'd be none the wiser.

Tattoo diatribe done for the day. I love em dearly, have my own, but don't be stupid about it. LOL

Chris said...

I confirmed what my kanji meant before I got it tattooed on my shoulder...

K. Z. Snow said... gonna clue in the rest of us? :-)

Chris said...

Oh, maybe. ;)

K. Z. Snow said...

That's lovely, Chris! Now you just need to have a tat of the English translation put it parentheses beneath the Japanese character. ;-)

So, is that a summation of your life, or your wish for a summation of your life? Or am I just being a nosy bitch because people have been so mysterious lately? :-)

Chris said...

A simple wish for life.

I'm probably going to get a tattoo on my other shoulder, something involving a stylized black cat and books. Wow, I bet that was a big surprise, huh? ;)

Kris said...


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