Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Of Santa Cheese and Lederhosen


Or, "What KZ Loves About Living in Wisconsin"



First, of course, there's this: ===============>



Just thought I'd get that out of the way before proceeding.


Lately, I've needed something to counteract the snoldrums (doldrums brought on by a superabundance of snow too early in the season), and I found it today on the local news.

Santa Claus got a makeover! Thanks to Sarah Kaufman, a most talented cheese carver, the Jolly Old Elf has been rendered in golden, aromatic detail from a 640-lb. block of cheddar. He's currently spreading his joy at a Milwaukee-area supermarket.


Muppets, make way for Uncle Mike! Decked out in Lederhosen and toting an accordion, this middle-aged pedophile dork gentleman uses polka music to teach children about hygiene, among other things. (Yes, hygiene; that's what he said.) Why wasn't he around when I was growing up? I love polkas! I so would've paid attention.

So here, just for YOU, is Uncle Mike and his sidekick, Lumberjack Doug, teaching children "what it's really like to be a lumberjack" via the "Jolly Lumberjack Polka." (Damn, I didn't know a lumberjack could cut down a massive, ancient oak with a crosscut handsaw. Those are some badass dudes! But don't you kind of like it when he shows his vulnerable side -- I think you know which side I mean -- and falls down on his knees? Then bounces back up with a big ol' smile on his face?)



16 comments:

Chris said...

Damn. I bet a cheddar sculpture trumps our State Fair butter sculptures...

K. Z. Snow said...

Chris, judging by the number of cheddar sculptures that turn up in this state on a regular basis, cheese is a wonderful medium. Smooth texture, not hard and not soft, doesn't melt easily -- hey, what more could an artist want?

:-D

Tam said...

OMG, you are so odd. LOL But really, shouldn't some forest ranger come and give those guys hell for sawing on that tree for a video? They'll damage it. And if you get paid by the tree that lumberjack is screwed. It will take him a month to cut that sucker down with that saw.

I did see a gigantic butter sculpture at the NY State Fair. That's not really a big thing in Canada. But I love me some cheese so a cheddar Santa would work for me. Santa says "eat me". Can't wait for a picture.

Tam said...

You need to google harder. Here's a video of said cheese sculpture at the Pick 'n Save in Milwalkee.

It's quite cute. Not as big as I thought. I think it would be tastier in sharp though, but I suppose mild is easier to carve.

http://tinyurl.com/y9c8ehl

Chris said...

Tam, you know so much about cheese carving that I'm scared... ;)

Jeanne Barrack said...

All I could think of was Monty Python's song about lumberjacks....
Oh, you betcha now I know where Chris lives -- Minnesota!!
As soon as you said butter sculptures. Princess Kay of the Milkyway and her court. We *loved* the state fair. (and the butter sculptures)
word veri: impailik:
being skewered by a pail of milk

Chris said...

Busted. Yup, I'm from lovely Minnesnowta. :)

K. Z. Snow said...

We all need to entertain ourselves once in a while, Tam. Oh, and thanks for the link. I have one for you, too -- pervelicious, the way you like your links. ;-)

http://www.kristopherkelly.com/menwomen.html

K. Z. Snow said...

Jeanne, I'm curious about how a woman in Pennsylvania acquired such intimate knowledge of butter in Minnesota. ;-)

Princess Kay of the Milky Way? Seriously? Hell, I lived in St. Paul for six years and never heard about that one! She sounds way stranger than Alice in Dairyland.

Chris, you have my condolences. Straight Minnesota men are all kinds of fucked up. I won't even get started on that. But there are some damned fine gay men in Minneapolis. One of 'em was my BMF for a long time.

Tam said...

Well, crap, that link must be pervlicious since it's blocked at work. I'll have to wait till I get home.

Did you get my e-mail?

Chris said...

Oh, good, it's not just me then. I live in Uptown, so I pretty much assume that every cute guy I see is gay. :)

K. Z. Snow said...

Yup, Tam, I got it. Thank you very much!

Jeanne said...

Hey, we lived in the Twin Cities area for four years and loved it!
Seriously, you may poke fun at MN men, but they've got Garrison Keillor (sp) and Mary Tyler Moore and Red Wing shoes, pottery, water skis.
We loved the Jewish community, the library system, the community theater and made great friends.
They have a great senior community - the Grey panthers started there and Senior Nursing Home Resident Councils.
We had a little children's book store that we loved.
Although there's tons wrong with the state, we really wished we had stayed!
Sorry for the love letter, but we treasure every moment we lived there.

Jeanne said...

BTW, KZ you never heard of her??
For shame...

K. Z. Snow said...

Ah, I see. I moved there to be with my Jewish boyfriend, although he wasn't involved in the Jewish community in any significant way.

I loved camping along the North Shore and the rivers. Loved concerts at the Cathedral of St. Paul, which was a block away from my apartment. Loved the dusty, musty bookshop called Harold's. Other than that, I didn't have the greatest experiences in MN.

Tam said...

I finally remembered to check the link. Why would that be blocked at work? It's not like they are nekkid, well, not much. Weird. Thanks though. That cheered me up today.