M/M Fiction Elements that Piss People Off - Update

Elements in M/M romance fiction that infuriate readers and writers alike -- gotta be a million of 'em! I first posted this list on September 3, 2008, when I'd just begun venturing into the genre. Time for an update.

Wow, the stuff I've learned over my nine-month gestation period! There are far more pisser off-ers than I initially realized. So here's the original list, with an addendum below in color.

(And the picture? That's for all the pastors who secretly desire Adam Lambert. You know who you are. Now get back to your stalls in those rest-area and park bathrooms. And say hi to Bill O'Reilly for me.)

• Emo characters (The term emo has become WAY more inclusive than it should be.)


• Exceptional endowment (The pink torpedo is out; the pink Twinkie is in . . . as far as it can go, that is.)


• Too much sex


• Too much swallowing of the salty snowball during sex


• Too little sex


• Too little swallowing of the salty snowball during sex


• "Odd" positions during sex


• Too much talking during sex


• Too little talking during sex


• Too much BDSM


• Not enough BDSM


• Blue eyes (!)


• A history of abuse as a child (Guess that's old news. YIPPEE! Child abuse no longer exists!)


• Tension or plot conflict that involves homophobes (Guess they're old news, too. YIPPEE! Vicious, mindless sexual prejudice no longer exists!)


• Love at first sight (Well, yeah, that's baloney--eHarmony be damned.)


• Arousal at first sight (Come on. Denying there's such a thing as arousal at first sight is like denying there's such a thing as stupid or ho-doggy presidents.)


• "Gay for you," i.e., protagonists who claim to be straight and only get bent with and for each other. (It's the "I swear I have always been and will always be straight" part that makes this oxymoronic. But I don't know of too many writers who try to peddle gay or bi heroes as hardcore het's.)


• The deep end of the sensitivity pool: too much crying, too much schmaltz, too much angst (Where's the line and when is it crossed?)


• The shallow end of the sensitivity pool: too much hard-nosedness, too much glibness and flippancy, too much insouciance (Ditto the above comment.)


• Too many cops/detectives/cowboys/firefighters (For me, at least, they are getting stale. I have a hard time being engaged by characters who remind me of the Village People, although some authors can pull it off.)


• Lack of alpha traits and a plethora of "womanish" traits


• Too much cussing (See above.)


• Unrealistic dialogue (See above.)


• Obligatory HEA (I agree with this one.)


• Too much pondering of emotions


• Too little attention to emotions


• Lack of chemistry (How published authors can produce a lack of chemistry between two protags in a romance is beyond me.)


• Use of animal similes/images/metaphors/sounds (Kind of difficult to steer totally clear of them, especially when it comes to dialogue tags . . . those repetitive buggers.)


• Menages that involve two gay men and a woman (I must admit, this plot device does bewilder and annoy me.)


• Pointless drama (I'm not entirely sure what that is.)


• Female characters who are a.) villains/foils, b.) goddesses/Earth Mothers, c.) ignorant of their men's true sexual preference or orientation, d.) you name it.


• Infidelity, for any reason


• Various terms for the prostate, including "prostate"


• Various terms for the glans
• Self-lubricating anuses (I had no idea such a thing existed in m/m fiction. But I read about it on a blog -- Emmy's, of course -- so it must be true.)


• Too many public displays of affection between the protags


• No public displays of affection (thus implying shame)


• Not enough older heroes


• Promiscuity


• Promiscuity treated as a moral or emotional deficiency


• Too little incorporation of real-world gay issues


• Sexual activity involving women -- any sexual activity, regardless of context


• Too much world detail


• Too little world detail


• Twincest, or any kind of incest (I'm all with this one.)


• Twinks


• Meddlesome female friends, usually of the "fag hag" variety


• Yaoi derivation (Guess it's related to that emo objection listed above.)


• Heroes who are rotten bastards


• Heroes who are sugar cubes


• Handicapped heroes (not because they're handicapped, but because this device has become overused)


• A whole bunch of stuff relating to historicals (Somebody more versed in the subgenre than I am can ferret out and address those points.)


• Female authors of M/M fiction (Yup, every single last one of us, because we're clueless.)

I've added a whole separate category, which I call "Erection Objections."

• Erections with feelings (No, I don't mean emoboners; I'm referring to physical sensations, like aches and pains.)


• Erections that "leak" (Hey, you know the fuckers do. Maybe they don't weep copiously, but they do leak. I've seen it with my own eye. Uh, eyes.)


• Erections that appear too fast


• Erections that go south too fast


• Erections without protections
• Erections that are referred to as . . . erections (WTF? From now on, I shall refer to them as filing cabinets.)


• Erections that are unusually active and move in unnatural ways


• Erections that are far too large to allow for a recipient's physical comfort, even if he's anaesthetised


• Double/triple/quadruple -- well, hell, let's go for the whole bunch of bananas! -- penetration

Any others? Come on, I hate incomplete lists!