Thursday, May 14, 2009

Throwing the Perfect Wankfest II

An ongoing (for now, at least) dustup here http://tiny.cc/JXSDy made me think of how important it is, when throwing a Wankfest, to wax eloquent. Garden-variety name calling and reptitive back-and-forths impress nobody and do little to make one's point adhesive.

Some seasoned curmudgeon from Washington, D.C. posted a brilliant example of what I mean on Craig's List, February 2009. Learn from him or her. Following is merely a paragraph plucked from this epithetic sea. If you wish to view the whole glorious thing, go here: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/1051162624.html.

"I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. So stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me."

Now that's a wanker!

4 comments:

Ananji said...

Thank you for posting that. My son and I had a good belly laugh over it. A writer's version of pillow beating, I guess. Hope it made him/her feel better.

K. Z. Snow said...

Hello, Ananji, and welcome. I don't know if the Craig's List writer was being serious or not, but s/he certainly knows how to string together hyperbolic insults and offensive metaphors. Cracked me up, too!

Emeraldjaguar said...

Think I'm crushing on whoever wrote that. OMFG hilarious.

K. Z. Snow said...

I found myself wishing, Emmy, that this kind of eloquence had come to me when I'd dealt with really rotten boyfriends and bosses.